Feb6 2012

Isolation in America: Does Living Alone Mean Being Alone?

Eric Klinenberg, PhD, is a professor of sociology at New York University and the recipient of a Robert Wood Johnson Foundation (RWJF) Investigator Award in Health Policy Research. He is the author of “Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone,” which examines a fast-growing trend of people in the United States living alone.

Human Capital Blog: Why did you decide to look at this topic?

Eric Klinenberg: The first book I wrote was about a catastrophic heat wave in Chicago that killed more than 700 people in 1995. One of the most powerful and disturbing features of the event was that hundreds of people died alone and were discovered hours, or in some cases days, after they perished. I became aware of how pervasive aging alone had become and grew very concerned about the health problems of social isolation. Through the RWJF Investigator Award in Health Policy Research, I was able to do more work on the topic. Their support was completely essential.

When I started doing research on the bigger issue of living alone, I realized that what I had studied in Chicago was its bleakest aspect. Social isolation is a big problem, and one that deserves far more attention and resources than we give it today. But I also realized that there’s much more to living alone than being isolated. Living alone and being alone are very different things. And Going Solo calls for a more sharp distinction between them.

HCB: You conducted interviews with hundreds of people across the country who live alone. Tell us about the trends you identified in the book.

Klinenberg: When I looked more closely at the issue I learned that living alone had become incredibly common and that people do it wherever and whenever they can afford to. Living alone is expensive—in some ways, it’s a luxury, although we don’t normally think of it that way—so it’s much more common among middle class and affluent people than others.

Today living alone is common in nearly all of the most developed and affluent societies in the world. I had originally thought it was an American phenomenon but, in fact, it’s a global one.

I believe that the rise of living alone is the biggest demographic change since the baby boom. In all of human history no society has ever sustained large numbers of people living alone for long periods of time. That began to change in the 1950s and 60s. So today we find ourselves in an unprecedented social experiment, and my book is the first comprehensive report on this social change.

HCB: Is there a typical “singleton”—a person living alone?

Klinenberg: We found four main groups of singletons from this study. First, there are young people under 35 who have delayed marriage and achieved some professional success. For them, living alone has become a key way to become an adult. It gives them freedom and control of personal time and space that allows them to be self-reflective and flexible. A lot of young people live alone because they’re concerned about uncertainties in the world and they want to get as much security for themselves as they can.

Another group is adults age 35 to 65. Generally most of them have been married and are now divorced or separated. They’re very interesting because often they say that they never felt lonelier than they did when they were living in the wrong relationship. Paradoxically, living alone became a way for them to achieve good health and security, because it allowed them to reassert control over their lives, and to carve out the time and space they needed to reconnect with others. They found it to be a less stressful condition.

What’s so interesting is that these groups have managed to make living alone a very social experience. One of the big surprises we found is that people who live alone are more social than people who are married. They spend more time with friends and neighbors and this gives them alternate kinds of personal support. There are record numbers of people living alone, and they are concentrated in cities and communities where there are lots of other people who are interested in making connections.

HCB: And what about the other two groups? Do they fall into the same category?

Klinenberg: The other groups have more challenges. One is very poor and often sick men who live in single room occupancy dwellings. For them living alone is a defensive move. They do it to protect themselves and often to avoid close contact with people or places that might get them in trouble. These men tend to have more health problems to begin with and they’re at risk of growing more isolated through their self-defense. They are at-risk for all kinds of health problems, including death from so-called natural disasters like heat waves. We need to be doing much more to integrate them with good health care and social services.

The final group is people who are aging alone, and what was interesting and surprising to me is that people who age alone also tend to be quite social. They, too, spend more time with friends and neighbors than older people who are married, and they express a clear preference for living alone rather than moving in with their children or with friends. But if they get sick or frail they can become dangerously isolated. And unfortunately during the recession, cities and states across the country have cut essential services like home health care and meals on wheels that provide a lifeline for people who age alone. That’s a serious policy problem, and one that RWJ has worked hard to redress.

HCB: Do you plan to continue your research on this topic?

Klinenberg:  I’ve been studying the rise of living alone for about a decade, and before that I was writing about dying alone in Chicago. In the abstract, I’d say that I’m ready for a new topic. But if my history says anything, it’s that I’ll have a hard time leaving this topic alone.

  • marla jones

    I’m getting the book  : )  I am now living in a 285 sq ft studio apt and never in my life been more satisfied with my living arrangement.
    I highly recommend the book “Little House for a Small Planet” by Shay Solomon – small spaces both usual and unusual, can be ideal for one person (and various people can choose to live near or together but each have their own space, as well – cottage community, RV park, boats moored together, big house split into 4 separate apts, etc).

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Robert-A-M-Stephens/100000759716724 Robert A M Stephens

      Superb reply and post.  Hat is tipped. and also quite true!

  • marla jones

    In previous times it was very common for those who enjoyed the single life, to join a religious order, everything from all the varieties of Christian, to Sufi, to Buddhist, to Shaker/utopian in the 1900′s in America, etc.. Each person usually had their own living cell and plenty of time and privacy for study, reflection etc as well as social activities with group. tghere were orders that were very social/group oriented and many that the members lived in almost complete independence/privacy. Many lived/live this life for a few years and are free to leave if they feel a different calling or that their life is moving into a different phase.

  • marla jones

    In previous times, it was very common for people who enjoyed the single life to join a spiritual Order where they had their own living cell and privacy, as well as group activities. Orders varied from the extremely social/group oriented to almost entirely independent /hermit-like, and a person had choices as to which order best suited them, and often stayed for a few years before moving into a different phase of their life. I think independent living was more common in the past, both in formal arrangements and informal, than we realize.

  • http://twitter.com/mooralive Carolyn Moor

    Marla- ‘Little Planet for a Small Planet’ is a GREAT book! As an interior designer, I teach and learn from my clients all the time. I see more and more the need for people to redo their spaces to invite others in and be in community. I also encourage them to use their homes as a place to nurture themselves when they feel ready. It’s all about more life within our spaces- ya gotta ‘grow where you are planted’. Loved the facts in this article. 
    http://www.mooraliveinteriors.com

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/AQEIX5SNGDGHCSZ6YNXCRJFDUI JetMech

    I fall into the second group mentioned.  Married for 40 years thru two marriages, I decided after my youngest child had finished college, that I wanted to have my own life fullfillments!  I moved out and have never looked back!  I enjoy my quiet house and doing the things I want to do without waiting for my partner or catering to her wishes.   I was asked after I had been living by myself for a while, if I felt lonely being by myself!  After reflection I had to say that I had felt more lonely while with my second wife!  Being in the physical vicinity of another person doesn’t mean you are connected with them or are enjoying the experience!  No, I’m fine, and I can say that honestly after playing devils advocate to myself.  No, life is good, and I intend to keep doing it my way until I decide that I want to do something else.    

  • Anonymous

    And for some it just happens. Alover or spouse moves out and you are a lone. at first it’s scary but then you find how wonderful it is. You can do what you want, when you want. Sleep late, watch movies in bed.Whatever !!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dawn-Webster/100002230167290 Dawn Webster

    I never felt more alone than when I was in my first marriage with an absent husband and two small children. I enjoyed my adult singleness for several years after that marriage ended, with the wonderful luxury of being able to devote myself to my children while exchanging the corporate life for working from home. Have now been in a rich and rewarding marriage with a man whose company I relish for conversation and most pursuits–but there is enough space in our lives for us each to pursue separate interests. My personal experience of singleness followed by a marriage that was really a deeply thoughtful decision underpinned by love and commitment  make me think I will find much to enjoy in your book. Thank you!
    http://freecatholic808.com

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Robert-A-M-Stephens/100000759716724 Robert A M Stephens

    I am 59 and after being widowed, lived alone throughout the planet, due to my work.  My marriage was quite brief due to losing her and did not remarry. Living out on the road across the planet is probably not for everyone but it sure has been fabulous for myself. I love people and have met myriads of folks everywhere and they have been wonderful as well as remained in my life to current. I loved being married, but have been so transient over the decades just never settled again. For those that are shut-ins in the US with its culture as it is, this topic should be an interesting one to follow on and see what data results forthwith.

  • Anonymous

    The author has missed a significant demographic namely urban singles, the “never marrieds” without children or partners with a wide circle of likeminded friends who enjoy dining out, theater, city life in general.  Living single isn’t an escape hatch after the fact; it’s a deliberate choice for an increasing number of professional adults of all ages who want the independence and flexibility of living solo. And yes, selfishness kicks in now and then as your space is yours alone whether to entertain, to hibernate, to watch your own shows, or to take off for a last minute adventure.   It’s a rewarding and fulfilling lifechoice for an increasing number of one person households.  

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Katherine-Anne-MacLean/1781970320 Katherine Anne MacLean

    Maria Jones is making sense. There are many people living alone in isolated houses who need help for costs of the house and car, who are afraid to rent out rooms or divide the house fearing strangers. They need services that would investigate  for good character in applicants, There are many people along suburb and rural roads who could subscribe to a small bus service that runs  on paydays and social security check days or Sunday to church that could fill that bus with crowds.   

  • Anonymous

    I am an aging loner and wish I had a close family. I have a small dog that helps with lonliness. In many ways I  prefer to live alone because after a bad marriage I like to be in charge of the bills and rent. I also have health issues, Fibromyalgia amd Chronic Fatigue and in my last relationship realized I was nor going to find a man that would tolerate my innability to keep up with them and lack of interest in sex. Pain kind of blocks my sex drive and I don’t have enough energy to do many activities. This became apparent while dating after my diagnosis. So rather then make some poor guy miserable I don’t date anymore. Most people my age are married and have families which I think makes them very lucky to have all that unconditional love around them. Also financially being on SSID I barely make ends meet which makes it hard to adfford DBT and therapy to cope with these disabilties. If I died it would take almost a week before my neighbors would notice and check on me.

    • whitetulips

      Have you ever been tested for Celiac Disease. You should really look into this,
      Celiac Disease Foundation celiacfoundation@celiac.org 
      It saved my life. Gluten Free is the way to go. God bless, take care.

    • JulianApostate32

      It sounds to me that you may be suffering from Vitamin D deficiency syndrome. Take some supplements, get your blood checked, get some sunshine.. it may not fix everything but it’s way cheaper than therapy and worth a try.

  • ironage

    The way the legal system is stacked against men in divorce/family courts…..i don’t understand why ANY guy chooses marriage these days.  In the all-too-likely event of divorce….if you are a working class guy…..you are finished!!

  • bigdawg1

    My food is where I left it. My checkbook balance is the same as when I left the house. My power bill is down 40% b/c I don’t have to have every light in the house on! No one tells me not to wear this, eat that or drink whatever. I’ve lost weight, am healthier, and my kids are happier.
    Single life, esp. once you’ve had your children, is the way to go!

    • marsvette

      is your name Jon?  Are you from Burlington Co?

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  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Gregory-Coker/1603472388 Gregory Coker

    Hi.

  • PicOrItDidNotHappen

     One person household here, going on 16 years. It will go down as the most REWARDING  accomplishments of my life time. Single for life.  

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VH4WZBKPILJB6GUOPHKOEP7ZE4 call_me_the_breeze

      I HEARD THAT!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Richard-Allen/11309867 Richard Allen

    i LOVE humanity.  but being tied to other individuals really sucks.  i might have short spurts of cohabitation, but living by my own rule is the most peaceful and fulfilling way for me.

  • BBRIGHT

    Oh my goodness, I had no idea I was in such good company! 

    After the man of my dreams died very suddenly in 2008, I was just crushed.  But after a few months, I began to workout again, and I quit smoking. I was feeling really great about myself.  Then, I met another man who was also decent and kind, but I found that I was spending so much time focused on his happiness that I had lost my own.  We parted ways (amicably) after 2 years together.  That was last year, and once again, I am working out and very happy in every way.  

    That said, I do have to add that I have a large, close (geographically, too) family and we get together often.  In addition, my best friends are four girlfriends from grammar school (we’re 45 now!) and we get away for long weekends twice a year.  So, for me, living alone is the best of both worlds – I get to see my family and friends often, but I can come home to the joy my dogs bring me, a good book, and a Mozart symphony.  And no one complains about any of it!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1779900678 Nellie Olsen

    62 living alone? no, with my beloved dogs, yes, my opera,no one to nag nag nag at my foreign films ooo i love it,i am happier,there are people i love in my live,no alone, free to live my live ,18 years now, good for me,this is the best time of my live wont change a day of it ,musik gardens food pleasure of living all mine

  • Leegh

    I enjoy living alone.  I have had several serious romantic relationships and have lived with a couple of fellows, and am truly glad that I am living alone now.  Yes, it’s possible I never found the “right” guy, and yes it’s also possible I will change my mind in the future.   It may be me, but sometimes being around a significient other all the time grates on my nerves.  For example, an old boyfriend used to make a lot of noise when he ate, and also did a lot of irritating throat clearing.  I like peace and quiet; silence is golden.  I am not perfect by any means, and I’m sure that I would irritiate a lot of people, but unless I fall madly in love with someone; I prefer to live alone.  The book sounds great, and I can’t wait to read it!

  • onjoFilms

    Wow, I just realized after reading this article AND comments, that I’m not crazy.  That the closed in suppressed oppressed crushed me that I’m feeling is for real and that I need to live alone.  Being married at 32 after having it my way was not too bad, but after 10 years, she began to control me and was always “Why are you watching that?” or “What are you doing that for?”.  We just don’t think alike and it paralyzes me.  If she would do her thing and let me have friends and do things I want, there would be no problem, but her insecurity has driven away my friends and family.  She was so jealous of me playing scrabble with my sister on the internet as an example.  Got to go, she’s calling me…..

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Eileen-Brown/1053393633 Eileen Brown

    Wow, this is news? Married and single women enslaved to boyfriends have long ago realized that sometimes it’s better to cut the cord of dependency that to let a mate keep them enslaved in kitchens, with child responsibilities and the horridly unfair distribution of duties that a woman takes on in her life. So, is it any surprise that women feel a much needed sense of freedom when they get that man out of their life?  It’s the guy who lives solo that suffers the most as he is now doing the lion’s share of his own domesticity.  Men are seldom single parents so don’t have a clue what that duty feels like.  They remind me of the bee that fly about, trying to find female bees who will fall for their wiles, only to be stuck with the aftermath while the drone moves onto other bees. Show me a man who has the moral and psychological fortitude to stay with one women in a loving relationship til “death do they part” and I’ll show you a great fantasy film that will tempt you into such a servile life of endless work, unpaid. Pass.

    • Rick Wagner

      Eileen.  I may be rare, but I am one of those faithful loving men that wanted and was giving “death do us part”   My wife left me two years ago for new adventures.  We had been married 25 years.  I live alone now. Sometimes its great as others have stated above but often I miss my wife.  I will never date another woman unless for some reason the mother of my adult children decides to give our relationship another try.

    • Paul Dush

      Don’t worry, you have your cats to keep you company……